I stood in the center of my bedroom, running my fingers over the pink sweater Graham had bought me. My sweater. Not a raggedy old, hand-me-down one full of holes and two sizes too big.
My very own, very pink, sweater.
It was the last item from today’s shopping trip that needed to be put away. I held onto it a little longer, wishing I could preserve the feeling it gave me, before setting it inside the drawer.
I threw on a different sweater, a loose tan one with a wide collar that hung off my shoulder, pulled on some new leggings, and left the bedroom. When I wandered into the living room, Graham was just finishing up his work and was gathering his papers and files together.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Starving.”
“Give me five, and I’ll get something going.”
“I can do it,” I said.
He arched a brow at me and cast a worried glanced behind me at the kitchen.
“I won’t burn it down. I promise.”
A smile pulled at the edges of his lips. “I’m not sure I believe you, but I’m too curious to say no,” he said.
He started making his way toward the kitchen, but I threw my hands out and pressed them against his chest to stop him. He was solid beneath my palms. It felt like I was trying to push back a brick wall.
“No, no, no. I got it. Just go and do… whatever it is that you do. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
He wrapped his hands around my wrists, and leaned toward me. For a split second, I thought he might kiss me, and my pulse skipped beneath his fingers. “Fire extinguisher is under the sink,” he said just above a whisper.
He chuckled, then turned and left me to my own devices.
“Jerk,” I mumbled under my breath.
When I was sure he was gone, I got to work. Five minutes later, dinner was on the table. I stood there, hands on my hips, satisfied with my handiwork.
“Graham!” I called out. “Dinner’s ready.”
The door to his office opened a second later.
He made it halfway to the table before abruptly stopping. He looked from the table to me, then back to the table again.
“Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“The best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you’ll ever have,” I said.
Graham was silent for all of five seconds before laughter erupted from him.
I might have been offended if I hadn’t been so caught off guard.
He was laughing. Genuinely laughing.
I don’t think I’ve seen him laugh like that… well, in forever.
His laugh was rich and deep, the sound of it seeming to vibrate through my whole body.
I decided then that this… this was something I wanted to hold onto instead. There were a million sweaters in the world, but Graham laughing? That beat sweaters any day.
Graham’s laughter faded, and when he looked up at me, I noticed something I hadn’t before. I had gotten brief glimpses of it when we were out shopping, but now it was all so clear.
The constant tension I’d gotten so used to seeing wasn’t there anymore. The tight set of his jaw had softened, and his shoulders no longer looked like they were carrying the weight of the world. There was a lightness to him. To every part of him.
“What?” he asked, his head cocking to the side.
I blinked. “What?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
Oh god. I had been staring at him. Heat rushed to my cheeks before I could look away.
“Never mind,” he said, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth as he pulled out his chair and sat down. “These look great. PB&J’s were always my favorite.”
“I remember,” I said, taking my seat. “I told you. I remember a lot of things.”
Like how he always wanted a freakish amount of peanut butter on his sandwiches. “The more the better,” he’d always said.
I could see it so clearly. The two of us back then. Sitting at the little kitchen table in the apartment, eating PB&J’s and arguing over whose were better.
It made my heart ache for how things used to be. For what we’d been.
I looked up from my sandwich, watching as he took a bite of his own, peanut butter smushing out at the sides.
I smiled. Maybe we weren’t as far from that as I’d thought. Maybe we were already finding our way back.
After we finished eating, we took our plates to the kitchen. Graham washed them, and I dried them and put them away.
“It’s a nice night,” he said after handing me the last plate. “The sky is clear.”
I glanced out the kitchen window. It was the first time since the blizzard that we had a full view of the night sky. “Yeah.”
“Perfect night for a fire. Join me?”
“Sure,” I said, setting the plate in the cabinet.
He grabbed the flannel blanket from the back of the couch and headed to the back door. His hand paused on the knob. “Come on.”
The cool night air nipped at my skin as we stepped onto the porch, making goosebumps rise along my arms. Above us, stars glittered against the blue-black sky.
I settled onto the bench in front of the firepit. Graham draped the blanket across my lap before crouching beside the firepit to start the fire. The first flames flickered to life, sparks spiraling upward into the night as the fire crackled and grew.
Once the fire was burning steadily, he lifted the edge of the blanket and slid in beside me.
The bench grew impossibly small beneath his broad frame. His shoulder and thigh pressed against mine, radiating a heat that had nothing to do with fire.
He stretched his arm along the back of the bench, his fingertips grazing the slope of my neck. His arm lowered, his fingers sliding down the curve of my shoulder, his palm settling against my skin.
I forced myself to stay still, fixing my gaze on the fire, on the way flames curled and twisted into the night. But I couldn’t pretend I didn’t feel the weight of hand or the heat of his body beside me, bleeding through the thin fabric of my sweater and leggings.
“You okay?” Graham asked, looking down at me.
I tried to tell myself that this was no different than when he held me in the shack, in the shower, or in front of the fireplace.
But it felt different.
It was different.
Because he wasn’t looking at me the way he had then. Maybe it was the firelight, the way it carved soft shadows along his jaw and made the flames dance in his eyes. Maybe that was why they looked softer, gentler, like there was something in them that hadn’t been there before.
Something that looked an awful lot like… affection.
“Yeah,” I said, my voice coming our much more breathless than I’d intended.
Graham’s head lowered, just a fraction, and I forgot how to breathe.
His eyes held mine, almost searching, and his fingertips pressed more firmly against my skin.
I relaxed in his hold and leaned in toward him.
His hand lifted, gently cupping my cheek as he lowered his head another inch. Close enough now that I could feel his breath coasting across my lips.
My head tilted back, my eyes falling closed as the faint touch of his lips whispered against mine.
An indescribable warmth unfurled in my chest and spread through every part of me.
Graham pulled back a fraction, but his hand still rested on my cheek, his thumb softly stroking my skin.
The arm around me tensed, his fingers pressing harder into my skin, so at odds with the gentle way he was touching my face. It almost seemed like there were two halves of him pulling in opposite directions.
He rested his forehead against mine, his chest rising and falling more quickly than it had been before. I placed my hand on his chest, his heart drumming quickly beneath my palm.
He let out a quiet breath, almost a laugh, then pulled away just enough that I could see the smallest smile on his face. His other hand came up to cup my cheek, and he pressed his lips to mine again.
This kiss was firmer. More deliberate. It set every nerve in my body on fire.
My fingers tightened in the fabric of his shirt. Whether it was to pull him closer or hold on for dear life, I didn’t know. Maybe it was both. Either way, I didn’t want him to stop.
One of his hands slid from my cheek and came to rest at the back of my neck to angle my head just so. His tongue swept along the seam of lips and my lips parted for him on a soft exhale. His tongue brushed against mine as his mouth moved slowly, luxuriously over mine. Like he had all the time in the world and wanted to savor every second of it.
When we finally broke apart, our breaths were heavy between us.
“What was that for?” I asked, still a little breathless.
Graham slipped his arms around my waist, his hands settling at the small of my back. He closed his eyes and dropped his head, brushing the tip of my nose with his.
“Everything.”
Everything?
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I knew deep within me that whatever it was, he meant it.
I leaned into his side and rested my head against his chest.
Around us, the fire crackled softly, pine branches swished gently in the breeze, and every so often the distant call of an owl drifted through the night.
The fire burned lower and the chill returned to the air.
I shivered and tucked myself a little closer to him.
“Cold?” Graham asked.
“Just a little chilly.”
“Let’s head in, then,” he said. “It’s getting pretty late, too.”
Graham got up first, then helped me to my feet. He took the blanket and draped it around my shoulders. “Come on, my little icicle. Let’s get you inside.”
“Okay,” I laughed, following behind him.
We made our way down the hall and stopped outside Graham’s bedroom door.
“I never thanked you for today,” I said.
“You didn’t have to.”
“Yes. I did. So, thank you. It really meant a lot to me. Anyway… Goodnight, Graham.”
“Night,” he said.
I turned to head toward my room.
“Bambi, wait.” His hand shot out, catching my wrist.
“Yeah?”
He held my gaze and took a single step forward, his fingers still wrapped around my wrist. He gently lifted my chin with his other hand and pressed a featherlight kiss to my lips.
“That’s better,” he said, his lips hovering so close to mine I could feel his words against them. “Goodnight, Bambi.”
He released my wrist and stepped into his room, closing the door softly behind him.
I stood frozen in the hallway, my cheeks burning.
When I finally managed to get my feet moving again, it felt like I was floating to my room, suspended somewhere between bliss and disbelief.
If anyone had asked me how I thought today would end, it wouldn’t have been with Graham kissing me.
For four years, I’d thought he didn’t care about me. He’d left, so… I assumed he didn’t. I never believed that he’d share the same feelings for me that I had for him.
But now, with the touch of his lips still lingering on mine, I knew he did.
Though I still didn’t know why he’d left, and if I let myself dwell on the thought for too long, it still hurt. I hoped that one day he’d share the truth with me.
For now, though, in this moment, it didn’t matter why.
Because Graham was here. And he’d kissed me.
I threw myself backward onto my bed, and covered my face with my hands, fighting the urge to squeal and kick my feet. I blew out a shaky breath, dropped my arms behind my head, and stared at the ceiling, unable to keep myself from grinning like an absolute lovesick fool.
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