I stepped onto the back porch, a coffee mug nestled between my hands, its warmth seeping into my palms. I sat in one of the Adirondack chairs and watched as the sun broke over the horizon, painting the sky in soft cotton candy hues.
I looked out across the property. A thin layer of snow still covered the yard, though patches had begun to melt, revealing the earth beneath. A light dusting clung to tree branches, making them look like they’d been sprinkled with powdered sugar.
My view used to consist of a cracked parking lot and overflowing dumpsters. It was honestly kind of wild to think that this is where I’d ended up. I never imagined I’d be living in a quaint little cottage… and with Graham of all people.
What was even fucking wilder was that he was sleeping. In. My. Bed. My bed. Naked.
My cheeks heated at the memory of last night.
I could still feel the imprint of him—the softness of his mouth, the strength of his hands. Every part of him. My fingers traced the outline of my lips, as if I could hold the memory there a little longer.
Some would say it was morally wrong, what happened between us. Especially Caroline. But I couldn’t find it in me to care. With Graham, I mattered. I belonged.
I was finally home.
The back door creaked open.
Graham appeared behind me, planting his hands on the arms of my chair. He leaned down, burying his face in the crook of my neck, and pressed light kiss there.
“Good morning,” he mumbled against my skin.
He pulled away, and I tilted my head back to look up at him. “Morning,” I said.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, coming to sit in the chair beside me.
“I’m good,” I answered. “A little sore, but good.”
“I’m sorry.” He reached across to take my hand, lacing his fingers between mine. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t. Not at all, Graham.” I squeezed his hand. “It was perfect.”
He gave me a smile, then brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “Yeah. It was.”
I smiled back at him, a warmth spreading through my chest as if sunlight had found its way inside.
I let my gaze drift over the property again. “Have I ever told you how much I love it here?”
“No,” he said. “But I’m glad you do.”
He looked thoughtful for a moment, then continued. “My father left it to me in his will. I didn’t even know this place existed until one of his lawyers contacted me. Hell, I hadn’t even known he’d passed.”
“I’m sorry, Graham.”
He shrugged a shoulder, but the way his fingers tightened against mine betrayed how painful it still was for him.
I’d never known much about his father, only that he’d left shortly after Graham was born. I almost envied him for that. I had a few memories of my mom, but as the years passed, there were times I’d think of her and wonder whether my memories were real or something I’d simply imagined.
“After Caroline kicked me out, I pretty much lived on the streets. After a few months, some guy who ran a pizza joint downtown found me and offered me his couch and a job. I worked my ass off there, bussing tables and shit, saving every penny I could until I could to get my own place. Then one day, some hot-shot walked in and asked to speak with me. Turns out, he was the lawyer handling my father’s estate. He sat me down in a corner booth, told me my dad had passed, and then basically handed me the keys to this place.”
“At least one of our parents did something right,” I mumbled.
Graham turned to me, his expression somber. “Come here,” he said.
He released my hand, and I stood, crossing the small distance between our chairs. Graham pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner.”
“It’s okay. I understand why you couldn’t. And I don’t blame you for it.” I chuckled. “Anymore.”
He leaned his head against mine. “I tried to come back for you once.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Stood in the parking lot staring up at the apartment for like an hour, trying to convince myself to walk inside. I was afraid of what Caroline might do if I did. I had no idea she was out. She came back and found me just standing there, looking up at the place.”
“I didn’t know. She never said anything.”
“Nah,” he said. “She wouldn’t have. She basically tore me a new one in the parking lot. I’m surprised no one heard her screaming at me and called the police.”
I stiffened in Graham’s hold. How was it possible that Caroline could be two completely different people? She’d never really treated me like her own daughter, but she’d never been cruel to me either. I’d never imagined she was capable of that kind of cruelty. And to her own son, no less. It made me so fucking angry for him.
“I don’t—I don’t understand why. How could she…”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure we ever will, Bambi.”
Graham’s phone buzzed beneath me. He pulled it from his pocket, silenced it, and set it aside.
He drew in a deep breath and held me tighter. “Caroline hasn’t been… right… for a long time. Her drug dependency and losing your dad only made things worse. I tried to protect you from it when we were younger. Never wanted you to have to see that side of her. I wanted you to have the childhood you were supposed to.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do that. You were just a kid too, Graham. What about your childhood?”
“My childhood didn’t matter. Yours did.”
“Don’t say that.” I turned in his arms so I could face him. “You deserved to that too.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But I gave up on that long before our parents married.”
“Graham—” I started.
“It’s okay, Bambi. I’ve made peace with it, really. I worried about you then, you know? You were, what? Five or six when they married? Here you were, this innocent doe-eyed kid who had no idea anything bad in the world existed. You were dropped into my fucked-up family and I couldn’t stand the thought that you might have to go through what I did.”
He chuckled dryly. “I couldn’t protect you in the end, though. You ended up having to deal with her on your own after I left anyway.”
“That’s not your fault, though, Graham. I didn’t care that I had to deal with Caroline on my own. It wasn’t all bad, either. I only cared that you left at all.”
I took his face between my hands. “Look at me, Graham, and hear me. Really, really hear me, okay? None of what happened was your fault. Caroline was the parent. She should have been the parent. She was the one responsible here. Not you.”
I held his gaze. “I love you and I forgive you. Now you just need to forgive yourself.”
For several heartbeats, Graham just stared at me.
His mouth crashed into mine.
His hand slid to the nape of my neck, and he held me there, pressing his lips harder to mine.
“Fuck, Bambi,” he said when we pulled apart. “I love you, too.”
I circled my arms around his neck and held him close, resting my head against his. He closed his eyes, nuzzling his face into my neck, and breathed me in.
“I should have told you that sooner,” he said.
“You told me now. That’s good enough.”
“I love you, Bambi. So fucking much it makes my chest fucking ache.”
My heart felt like it was beating a million times a minute, something warm and impossibly full settling beneath my ribs.
I guess neither of us knew just how badly we needed to hear those words.
I wasn’t sure if Graham would forgive himself for leaving, or if he’d finally stop blaming himself for the things Caroline had done. But I did know one thing with undeniable certainty.
I would love him through it all.
