dutyvsdesire

M+A Chapter 18

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

 He did not move. Not toward me. Not away.

And so I crossed the distance. One step. Then another until there was no space left between us.

Slowly, he lifted his hand to my cheek, fingers barely grazing my skin. His breath left him in a shaky exhale, as though he only just allowed himself to believe I was real.

His thumb trembled as he traced the curve of my lips.

“Monroe…” my name stumbled from his lips. “You shouldn’t have come.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment I saw it—the war inside him. Duty. Loyalty. Want.

“I couldn’t stay away,” I told him.

“Alexander is a great man,” he said hoarsely. “He can provide for you everything that I cannot.”

I covered his hand still resting gently on my cheek with my own. “All I want, Aiden… is you.”

His breath caught.

His eyes searched mine as if trying to find something he did not dare believe.  

For weeks I had tried to fulfill my duty as Princess, as future queen, but I knew that life was no longer mine.

My heart had long since made its choice, and I could not deny it what longed for.

Him. Aiden.

I let him see it.

His hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, not pulling me closer, just holding me there. Like I was his anchor as much as he was mine.

He pressed his forehead to mine. “My heart is yours, Monroe. Always.”

My fingers fisted in his tunic.

“And mine has only ever been yours.”

I rose onto my toes.

Aiden stilled.

For one suspended heartbeat, the world held its breath with us.

Then I kissed him.

It was not tentative. It was not careful. It was every stolen glance, every restrained touch, every word left unsaid set free all at once.

Whatever restraint he had left shattered.

Aiden’s mouth claimed mine. His hand tightened at the back of my neck as the other slid to my waist. He pulled me flush against him, and my hands threaded into his hair.

He nipped at my lower lip, drawing a soft sound from me, and a low approving grumble reverberated in his chest.

Aiden’s hands moved over my back, my shoulders, my arms, as if he were mapping out my body to commit the feel, the shape of me, to memory.

I clung to him, my fingertips digging into his biceps, only breaking away long enough to steal a breath.

Beneath the starlit sky, it was only Aiden and me—hands twisting in hair, fingers clutching fabric, breathless ravenous kisses.

Aiden broke our kiss with a groan, as if stopping was agony.

Our uneven breaths mingled in the space between us.

“Monroe,” he murmured, sending goosebumps across my skin.

He rested his head atop mine, his fingers still pressing into my skin.

“I can’t lose you,” he said, the words rough and uneven.

I looked up at him, my hand cupping his cheek. “You won’t. I choose you, Aiden.”

His lips curved before he leaned in and brushed a soft, delicate kiss to my mouth.

He took my hands and held them between us. “I have to tell Alexander,” he said, his voice steadying.

“We will tell him,” I said. “Together.”

Aiden and I paused at the edge of the forest path, looking up at the dark silhouette of Castle Bedford rising in the distance.

He squeezed my hand once before releasing it, and together we stepped onto the stone path.

We walked side by side, close enough that the heat of him brushed my skin, yet careful not to touch.

The night air was cool, but I barely felt it. Every nerve in my body thrummed, alive with the knowledge that everything was about to change.

We passed guards, their gazes following Aiden and me, but none made a move to stop us. No one suspected the fracture we were about to carve into the foundations of Bedford.

Aiden halted just before a long corridor, his fingers closing gently around my wrist. “Are you certain?” he asked quietly. “If he strips me of everything—”

I held his gaze, letting him see the unwavering truth in mine. “Then we shall have nothing. Together.”

He held my gaze a moment longer. Then he nodded once, slow and decisive, and he laced his fingers through mine.

At the end of the corridor, the parlor doors stood slightly ajar, a shaft of firelight spilling across the stone floor.

We shared one final look, a silent confirmation.

Aiden brought his hand up to the door, but before his knuckles even grazed the wood, Alexander’s voice drifted from within.

“Enter.”

Aiden pushed the door open.

A fire crackled softly in the hearth, casting warm light across the parlor. Prince Alexander sat in a high-backed chair, one ankle crossed over his knee, a glass untouched at his side.

Firelight traced the sharp line of his profile as his gaze lifted slowly from the flames, settling first on our joined hands.

“I wondered when this moment would come,” he said.

His attention returned to the hearth, the quiet snap of burning logs stretching between us.

“I admit,” he continued evenly, “I had hoped you would choose me.”

He rose then, unhurried, setting the glass aside without looking at it.

When his gaze met mine fully, there was no accusation there, only clarity.

“But I see now, you would only have resented me.”

Something in my chest tightened. Not with fear, but with understanding. For the first time, I saw him not as a prince, not as an obligation, but simply as a man who had misjudged love… and knew it.

“I tried,” I said softly.

“The fault is mine, Your Majesty,” Aiden said.

Alexander lifted a hand, not sharply, not in reprimand, but in quiet refusal. “No,” he said. “No, the truth is no one’s fault.”

His gaze moved between us, not as a ruler assessing subjects, but as someone finally seeing what had always been there. “You love each other.”

We did not deny it.

A faint curve touched his mouth. It was not quite a smile, but something like acceptance.

“You are released from this arrangement,” he said, his attention returning to me. “I will dissolve the engagement. The rest, I will manage.”

Silence settled in the parlor again, only broken up by the soft crackle of the fire.

Then, softer, Alexander said, “Go.”

I released Aiden’s hand and stepped forward. “Thank you,” I said.

Behind me, Aiden bowed. “Your Majesty.”

Alexander inclined his head once, then turned away, his hands clasping behind his back.

Aiden and I left the parlor, hand in hand, moving silently through the corridor.

Perhaps we did not trust the moment to hold. Or perhaps we could not yet believe we had walked away without consequence.

When the carriage waiting in the drive came into view, something inside me began to ease.

There were no gloved attendants, no line of guards standing at attention as there had been the day I arrived. No banners. No procession.

There was only Aiden and me in the hush of dawn, stepping into something entirely our own.

I did not allow myself to look back at first. But as the carriage wheels began their steady rhythm over stone, carrying us through the outer gates, I could not help myself.

I turned.

High above, framed by stone and morning light, Prince Alexander stood at the balcony.

He did not wave. He did not call out. He simply watched.

Our eyes met across the distance. He inclined his head. Not as a prince to a subject. Not as a man to a possession. But as an equal.

The gates closed, and Bedford receded behind us.

Aiden took my hand in his, and brought it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to my knuckles.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

I did not know where the road ahead would take us, but as Aiden’s thumb traced slow, lazy circles over my hand, I knew one thing with absolute certainty—wherever it led, we would meet it together.

***

Pinpricks of sunlight filtered through the broad canopy overhead, dappling the meadow below.

I wandered along the bank where wildflowers grew in abundance, their petals brushing my ankles.

Aiden was stretched out comfortably on the blanket, boots discarded, one arm propped behind his head. He watched me with an expression so open, so unguarded, it made my chest tighten. As though I were not merely his wife, but a miracle he still could not quite believe was his.

I returned to the blanket and settled beside him. He gathered me close, his strong arms wrapping around me without hesitation, as though some part of him still feared I might vanish if he did not hold me there.

His fingers curled beneath my chin, tilting my head back until our gazes met. “Are you happy?” he asked.

“Better than happy,” I said, smiling. “With you, I am whole.”

“Always so poetic, Princess.”

I smiled wider, brushing my fingers over his jaw. “I am no princess.”

“You are whatever you chose to be, and you have always been more than a crown.”

He kissed me slowly, reverently, like he had all the time in the world.

“I love you, Monroe.”

“I love you, Aiden.”

He kissed me again, then tucked me close against him and held me there.

I gazed across the meadow at our cottage tucked amongst the trees. The light struck it just so, and I thought of the painting in Bedford’s gallery.

I had once believed it beautiful in theory. I had not known it could be lived.

Here, there were no nooses disguised as duty. No crowns masquerading as destiny. Only the steady rush of water, wildflowers at my feet, and the man who had chosen me as fiercely as I had chosen him.

 

The End

M+A Chapter 16

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

Hollow.

That was all I was capable of feeling. 

And yet, to look at me, none would have been the wiser. 

Not even Sir William, who had stood beside me for the last several days and noticed nothing at all. 

He was not unkind. He was attentive, efficient, ever-present at my side. But he did not notice when my steps slowed or when my smile wavered before I caught it. He never asked me about my books or if I cared to walk the gardens.

Being escorted by him felt like moving through the world unseen. Observed, perhaps, but never truly noticed. With him, I felt myself recede, little by little, until only the role remained.

And so I did what was required of me. 

I fulfilled my duties with flawless precision, attending fittings and meetings, reviewing guest lists and ceremonial details, standing still as jewels were held against my skin and gowns were pinned in place. I accepted courtesies, listened when spoken to. I smiled when expected, nodded at the appropriate moment. My posture was perfect. My composure unassailable. 

I wore the role as though it fit. As though the hollowness wasn’t spreading, widening into a chasm vast and vacant. 

Each day that passed brought me closer to the engagement celebration and farther from myself.

I hadn’t realized just how much Aiden had shaped my time here at Bedford, and just how much his presence had anchored me.

I had come to long for the glimpses of him in the corridor as Sir William escorted me to appointments, for the brief glances I’d sneak of him when he was stationed near Alexander in meetings, for catching sight of his familiar posture at the edge of the room.

But even those fleeting moments didn’t last. 

As the celebration grew nearer, the glimpses I once caught of Aiden grew fewer.

It had taken me two days to stop searching for him—in the corridors, the grounds, even the training yard. It had taken another two days for the realization to hold. And one more still, for me to accept it.

He was gone. 

He was not coming back. 

And he had taken a part of me with him.

Every smile, every polite remark, further chipped away at what little remained. 

Still, the world required me to keep moving.

“Her Highness Princess Monroe,” Sir William announced as I stepped into the great hall.

Alexander was waiting near the tall windows overlooking the forecourt where carriages were already beginning to arrive through Bedford’s gates. 

He turned away from the window.

“Appearances matter now more than ever, Princess,” Alexander said, adjusting his cuffs. “The kingdom will be watching closely.”

I inclined my head. “I will fulfill my responsibilities, Your Majesty.”

“I’m quite certain you will,” he said, offering me his arm.

I linked my arm through his and we strode through the double doors and out onto the palace steps.

Nobles approached one by one, offering bows and warm congratulations.

Alexander moved through the greetings with effortless confidence, his voice warm, his smile steady. 

I stood beside him, my body remembering its role, even as my heart refused to. 

A familiar figure stepped from his carriage and made his way toward Alexander and me with a self-important air.

I recognized Lord Dupont at once. He had visited Celermare when I was a child, often bringing my father rare volumes for my father’s library. 

He flicked his coattails back and bowed. “Your Majesty.”

Alexander inclined his head and smiled. “Lord Dupont. It is an honor to have you at Bedford. It’s been too long.”

“I would never dream to miss such an auspicious event,” he replied. 

I curtsied. “Lord Dupont,” I began politely. “It is—” 

Alexander’s hand settled at the small of my back, and my words died on my tongue. To anyone else, the gesture was affectionate. I knew it for what it was–a quiet instruction.

“Lord Dupont oversees trade negotiations along the eastern coast,” Alexander supplied smoothly, as though I had never spoken.

Lord Dupont smiled and continued speaking with Alexander, his attention never once shifting toward me. 

I stood beside them, still and silent. 

A familiar voice surfaced in my mind. 

Good princesses are seen, not heard.

Only this time, the voice was Alexander’s.

The next carriage rolled into the forecourt. I lifted my chin and fixed my smile into place, ready once more to play my part. 

Carriage after carriage arrived through the gates, and noble after noble offered their well wishes and polite courtesies. 

When the forecourt had emptied at last and the evening air had grown cool against my skin, Alexander extended his arm to me. 

“Shall we?” 

I nodded, taking his arm as we turned back toward the palace. 

We settled in a private sitting room for the evening. A fire flickered quietly in the hearth, it’s glow soft against the otherwise austere lines of the room. 

A servant brought us tea and other light refreshments and then swiftly departed. 

Alexander lifted his teacup, taking an unhurried sip before setting it aside. 

“You’ve handled this well. You’ll make an excellent queen, Monroe.”

My fingers closed more firmly around my cup, the porcelain warm against my skin. 

The sound of my name, spoken so easily, so confidently, sat foreign and strange in the air. 

It did not sound like reassurance. 

It felt like a claim.

Without thinking, my fingers lifted to my throat, rubbing absently at the pressure there, as though something invisible had drawn tight. 

I swallowed, then brought it to my lips, and took a sip, if only to give myself a moment to compose.

“You are most kind, Your Majesty,” I answered. “Thank you.”

“Kindness has nothing to do with it,” he said simply. “You are well suited for the life you are stepping into.” His gaze held mine. 

“I will serve you and all of Bedford faithfully.”

Alexanders lips curved faintly, the expression controlled. “Good.”

“It is getting late. I should retire,” I said, rising from the settee. “Goodnight, Your Majesty.”

He rose from his seat, smoothing his hands down the front of his coat. “Goodnight Princess.”

I left the parlor, the door closing behind me with a quiet finality that echoed far too loudly in my chest. 

As Sir William escorted me back to my chambers, I searched for him. 

As I rounded every corner and passed every hall, I expected to see the familiar knight with emerald green eyes. Yet every corridor and hall remained painfully empty.

The hollowness crested inside me. Tears burned behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

When I stepped through my chamber doors, the realization struck sharp and unforgiving. The noose had never been removed…

It had only learned to disguise itself better. 

Chapter Seventeen