blogging

G+B Chapter 9: Cabin Fever – Graham

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

It’s been two days. Two fucking days.

Two days of the generator deciding when it felt like working. Two days of the heat cutting in and out. Two days of Bambi being simply Bambi.

Two. Fucking. Days.

And I couldn’t fucking think straight.

How had I gotten so far gone that fucking breathing in the same room as Bambi was a problem?

I glanced over at her. She sat beside me on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her, her notebook open in her lap. Her attention was fixed on the page, the little scrunch of her nose forming as her hand moved fluidly across it. She paused, brought the end of her pen to her lips, and nibbled absently on the cap.

Fuck.

I looked back at my laptop. I opened my inbox, forcing myself to concentrate on reading the email in front of me, but it was like trying to decipher hieroglyphics.

Bambi shifted beside me, her knee grazing my thigh, and the touch sent electricity racing through me.

Was the couch always this fucking small?

I shifted to the side just a hair. Just enough to give me some breathing room.

Except.

Bambi moved with me.

She stretched her arms above her head, her back arching slightly. Her shirt rode up just enough to reveal the soft curve of her waist. When she lowered her arms, the collar of her shirt slipped down, baring one shoulder and the faint swell of her breast beneath it.

My pulse knocked hard beneath my skin. God, this woman was going to be the end of me… and she wasn’t even doing anything.

I dragged my eyes away and shifted another inch to the right. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying like hell to regain even an ounce of fucking composure.

I closed my email and pulled up a spreadsheet but ultimately deemed getting any work done hopeless. Every scratch, every stroke of her pen, was a reminder that she was beside me.

It was unbearable.

I shifted for the third fucking time.

Bambi looked over at me, that damn pen in her mouth again, her brows creased together. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I said too quickly.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Nope. Everything’s perfect.”

Just fucking perfect.

“You know what?” I shut my laptop. “Actually, I think some fresh air might be nice. How about a drive?”

Her notebook snapped shut and she jolted upright so quickly, my very clearly malfunctioning brain thought she was going to launch herself at me. My heart almost stopped.

“Yes! Oh please, can we, Graham?” she pleaded, as she got to her feet. “I am dying to get out of the house.”

You’re dying? I nearly said. How bout me?

I’ve been trying to keep my head screwed on straight for the last forty-eight hours. Every. Little. Thingshe did threatened to unravel me. I was beginning to feel like my brain had been hardwired to Bambi.

“Perfect,” I said. I set my laptop on the coffee table a little harder than I meant to and headed toward my room.

“Get changed. We leave in ten.”

I closed the door behind me and rested my forehead against the wood.

Jesus, Graham. Pull. Yourself. Together.

Ten minutes later, I was standing by the door, waiting for Bambi. 

When she emerged from her bedroom, I nearly choked on my own breath. “What is that?”

“What is what?”

Her shirt—what used to be my shirt—had been cut across the middle, turning it into a crop top that exposed the smooth expanse of her stomach. Her sweatpants hung low on her hips, accentuating her hourglass frame, making the curve of her waist impossible to ignore.

“You are not wearing that,” I said firmly. 

And not just for my own goddamn sanity, either. Every fucking member of the male species wouldn’t be able to keep their eyes off her.

The thought made something ugly claw at my chest.

“Graham,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“It’s thirty degrees outside, Bambi. You’re changing. Now.”

“I have nothing else to wear.”

“Like hell you don’t.” 

She crossed her arms and glared at me. “Everything I own is yours, Graham.” 

“So?”

“So! I can’t wear your clothes forever, Graham!” She rubbed her temple and closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

“The only things that are truly mine are a single ratty sweater that doesn’t even fit me and an old pair of boots,” she said. “I just wanted something that felt like… mine.”

Her words landed like a punch to the gut. She was right. There wasn’t a single thing here that belonged to her. Her clothes. Her soap. Her shampoo. Everything. They were all mine. 

All because I pulled her from her home without a second thought about what else she might need besides warmth and food.

And I knew by the look on her face that this wasn’t really just about a shirt.

It was about choice. Her choice. Her ability to choose something for herself. 

I’d taken that away from her. 

And the worst fucking part is that I knew exactly what it felt like to have someone make a choice for you while you had no say in it. Caroline had taken my choice away, too, and I resented her for it my entire life. 

I’d done the same to Bambi. 

I’d been no better than Caroline. 

But I would be. 

My trauma didn’t have to be Bambi’s. Fuck no. Bambi deserved better than that. 

“Alright, then,” I said. “Let’s get you some new clothes.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

Bambi squealed and bounced on the tips of her toes. 

“You’re still not wearing that,” I said. Some decisions were still mine. Whether she liked it or not.

She rolled her eyes, but as she turned toward her room, I caught the faint curve of a smile pulling at her lips. She returned a minute later wearing one of my sweatshirts and her leggings. Not a single trace of skin in sight. 

I’ve gotta remember to throw away all the damn scissors, I thought as we headed outside. 

As we pulled out onto the main road, the aftermath of the blizzard could be seen everywhere. Broken limbs hung haphazardly from trees. Power lines had been torn from their utility poles and tangled around them. Snowbanks towered at the edges of the pavement, left behind by the snowplows that had cleared the roads. A little while later, I pulled into the downtown shopping center.

“Woah,” Bambi said, looking out across the shopping center.

“You’ve never been here?”

“No, never. We didn’t really have the budget to shop at places like this.” She let out a huff. “We could hardly afford the bare essentials as it was. Food and rent. That’s what mattered.”

And drugs.

She didn’t have to say it for me to know that was where her mind had gone.

My grip tightened around the wheel. I’d seen Caroline’s statements after she was admitted. Later, when I’d met with the bank about the apartment, I’d learned just how far behind they really were. They’d been lucky they weren’t evicted.

Bambi had been doing what she could, working shifts at a sketchy diner just to keep them afloat, but Caroline had burned though nearly every dollar on getting high.

Anger flared in my chest at the thought of everything Bambi had been forced to go through because Caroline couldn’t keep her shit together. It was a parent’s job to take care of their children, not the other fucking way around.

I blew out a slow breath, forcing the thought aside. I didn’t need Caroline taking up space in my head right now. This trip was about Bambi.

I pulled the truck into a parking spot and killed the ignition. “Well, come on then.” I smiled. “Let’s get you something that’s not mine.”

Bambi chuckled and climbed from the truck.

“I didn’t not like wearing your clothes, you know,” she said softly.

I almost lost my footing as I rounded the truck. She really shouldn’t be saying things like that. It did something funny to my chest.

“I didn’t not like seeing you in them,” I replied.

Fuck. I shouldn’t be saying things like that.

I glanced away, shoved my hands in my pockets and started heading for the main entrance.

“So, where to first?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t know,” she shrugged.

“Pick any store you want, Bambi. Or all of them. We don’t leave until we find something you like.”

“Okay,” she smiled. Then, of course, she made a beeline for the single brightest store in the entire shopping center. I almost needed to shield my eyes from the obscene number of bright lights and polished chrome. It was enough to give a man a migraine that would last a week.

Turns out Bambi agreed.

“We need to leave,” she said not five minutes later, squinting up at me.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as she grabbed my arm and all but dragged me from the store.

“Not into chrome these days?”

She glared up at me. “You’re not funny. That store was awful.”

“Yes, I am,” I countered. “But no, that was pretty bad.”

“You pick the next one,” she said.

“Alright,” I chuckled, and steered us toward a more understated store with an appropriate amount of lighting.

I followed Bambi through the aisles as she browsed, watching her pick up item after item, scrunch her nose at it, and set it back down.

“This store is for old people, Graham.” She held up an atrocious floral blouse and shook it at me. “I’m twenty-four. Not eighty.”

“I don’t know,” I teased. “I think this shade of blue would really—ow!”

“Don’t make me punch you again,” she warned, biting back a smile.

The next few stores were more of the same. In the two stores after that, Bambi spent more time looking at price tags than she did the clothes themselves.

“Bambi.” I said after she’d scoffed for the tenth time.

“Yeah?”

I stepped beside her and took the item from her hand. “Stop worrying about what the price tag says.”

“Graham, I—”

“It’s fine. I promise.”

Bambi pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked away.

I wished there was something more I could say, something more I could do, to help her understand that how she’d lived in the past wasn’t how she had to live now. That she was allowed to want things for herself. That she deserved them. No matter the cost.

“I don’t give a shit about the money, Bambi. What I do give a shit about is that you find something you like.”

Slowly, her eyes lifted to meet mine.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

Bambi continued to browse the store, skimming her fingers over cotton shirts, denim shorts, and silky dresses. Every so often, she would reach for a price tag before catching herself.

We had almost made a full circle of the store when she stopped short in front of a mannequin. It was wearing a fuzzy pink sweater with silver buttons running down the center.

She ran her fingers down the sleeves, then over the buttons.

“Can I?” she asked, looking at me over her shoulder.

I smiled. “Go on.”

She carefully pulled the sweater off the mannequin, almost as if she were scared she’d ruin it.

Bambi disappeared into a dressing room, and a moment later, the curtains slid open and she stepped out.

She walked to the three-sided mirror and turned in a slow circle. When she came to a stop, she smoothed her hands over the front, her smile widening.

Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “What do you think?”

The sweater fit snug against her, emphasizing the narrow curve of her waist and the low neckline offered a glimpse of the soft shadow between her breasts.

“It’s perfect,” I said. “It’s yours.”

No questions asked. It would be the easiest one hundred-and-fifty dollars I’d ever spent. I’d buy every pink fucking sweater in the country if it meant I got to see her smile like that again.

Bambi beamed at me, and I swear to God, it was like… I don’t know. Like her whole goddamn aura brightened. Like she was glowing from the inside out.

Seeing her like that… that was addicting. And fuck if I didn’t want more of that.

Bambi was in front of me in three strides, and before I could blink, she was pressed against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou,” she squealed in my ear.

I stood there, too stunned to move for a split second, before my arms wound around her.

“You’re welcome.”

Fuck it. I’ll buy her every pink sweatshirt in the goddamn world.

An hour later, Bambi and I returned to the cottage with so many shopping bags I was already considering buying her a bigger dresser.

While she worked on putting away her new things, I finished up some of the work I hadn’t been able to earlier.

A soft giggle drifted down the hall and my hands stilled over my keyboard.

I smiled to myself. Yeah, I liked the sound of that.

Chapter Ten →

G+B Chapter 5: Unanswered Questions

/ feralbookster / Leave a comment

Morning light spilled through the window, its golden shafts falling across my face. I stretched my arms above me, then lay there, staring at the ceiling, listening. 

The house was quiet. It was a different kind of quiet than I was used to. It was calm, not tense like the apartment.

I slowly climbed out of bed, grabbed my sweater off the dresser and pulled it on before heading for the kitchen. 

Graham wasn’t hovering over the stove like he had been the last couple of days. Instead, he was on the couch in the living room, hunched over a spread of documents on the coffee table with a laptop open beside them. His sleeves were rolled up, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he scribbled something down on one of the papers. 

“Morning,” he called from the couch. 

“Morning,” I replied, unsure how he’d known I was there without looking away from what he was doing.

“Coffee’s fresh, and there’s muffins and fruit in the fridge for you.” 

“Thanks,” I said, reaching for a coffee mug. “What about you?” 

“I’m fine,” he replied, throwing me a quick glance over his shoulder. “But thank you.”

I gave him a small smile. “Sure.” 

After filling my mug, I lingered in the kitchen a moment longer. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, glancing from the table to Graham in the living room. 

Usually, I sat with Graham at the table for breakfast. But now he’s there. On the couch. Working. Do I sit next to him? Do I sit at the table? Is it weird if I sit at the table? Or would it be weirder if I sit next to him? 

Shit. Why am I making seating arrangements so freaking complicated?

I shook my head at myself. I was being ridiculous. 

I took my coffee and joined him in the living room. I sat beside him, tucking my legs beneath me, my knee just barely brushing his thigh.

I eyed the table. “Work?”

“Yeah.” He reached for his mug, then leaned back. “A tough client.”

“Anything I can do?”

A slight smile curved his lips. “No. Thank you, though.”

Now that I was sitting so close, I noticed the faint shadow of stubble lining his jaw and the way his hair was tousled as if he’d spent the last few hours running his fingers through it. “You’ve been up for a while.” 

He breathed a laugh. “Do I look that bad?” He ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling the strands further. 

“No,” I chuckled lightly. “Just tired.”

Our eyes locked and for a moment I thought I had seen a faint flicker of vulnerability pass across his face. 

Talk to me, I wanted to say. Help me understand. Because I was having a hard time reconciling the boy who had left me with the man who was sitting in front of me now. 

Graham cleared his throat and turned away. He set his coffee mug on the table beside his laptop and said, “I should get back to work.”

I should have known better. Hell, I had known  better, and yet that didn’t stop disappointment from settling heavily in my chest. 

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “Sorry for interrupting.”

I untucked my legs from beneath me and stood from the couch. I dropped my mug off in the kitchen and then headed for the bathroom. 

I cranked the shower handle as far as it could go and waited until the steam had fogged the glass shower doors to step inside. I stood under the hot water, not washing, not scrubbing. I just stood. 

How was it possible for one person to be so… so… so frustrating. It would’ve been so much easier if I could just stay mad at him. But no. No, he had to go and make it all so confusing. Had to make me question everything I thought I knew. 

I dropped my head back and let the water run over my hair, wishing that the water could take my thoughts with it. 

When I finally returned to my room, I stopped dead in the doorway. A neat stack of clothes sat on the edge of my bed.

I closed my bedroom door behind me and took a tentative step forward. 

They were Graham’s clothes—another black shirt, long sleeve this time, a pair of black sweats, and— 

My cheeks heated. 

A pair of plaid boxer shorts.

I stood there for what felt like longer than humanly possible, staring at the stack of clothing with only a single question left on my mind. 

Why? 

But no matter how I tried, I couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer. Or rather, I could. 

He cared. 

And somehow, that only left me more confused. No matter which way I looked at it, I kept arriving at the same conclusion as yesterday.

If he cared, why did he leave?

Somewhere in the house, a door slammed shut, making the window in my room rattle. 

From outside my window, Graham’s voice grew louder.

I clutched my towel tighter and slowly made my way to the window, carefully drawing back the edge of the curtain to peer outside. 

Graham was pacing on the back porch, his phone pressed firmly to his ear. His brows were drawn tight and a deep crease sat between them.

He continued pacing as he spoke, and the deeper his voice grew, the more unsettled he looked.

I’d never seen him like this before.

Was the phone call work related? Or did it have something to do with Caroline?

I dressed quickly and shoved my boots on, then headed toward the porch. The French door hinges creaked as I opened them, and Graham whirled around. 

“I’ve gotta go,” he said, his eyes fixed on mine.

He shoved his phone in his pocket with more force than necessary. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

“I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he said. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Who were you talking to? Was it about Caroline?”

His jaw clenched. “Get back inside, Bambi. It’s too cold for you to be out here.”

“What? No, I’m fine, Graham.”

“You’re shivering,” he pointed out.

“I don’t care. You can’t avoid these conversations forever. What is going on?”

“Dammit, Bambi. Nothing is going on.” He moved toward the door. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” I snapped, turning around to face him. “Every time I try to talk to you, you shut down. Shut me down. At the apartment. Yesterday.” 

“Because there’s nothing to discuss, Bambi—”

“Yes there is! God, Graham, there is!” Frustration flooded my system until I barely noticed the cold anymore. 

“You can’t just keep me here and keep me in the dark. You can’t just… just… make decisions that impact my life and not tell me what the hell is going on!”

“I am trying to protect you, Bambi,” he said, frustration slipping into his tone. 

“Well, I didn’t ask you to!” I shouted. “And what about the last four years, huh? Where were you to protect me then?”

Graham’s expression faltered, his hands clenching at his sides. 

I hoped this was it. That if Graham were going to tell me anything, it would be now, but once more, he remained quiet. 

“Still have nothing to say to me?” I hated how my voice cracked when I spoke. Hated that I was still so affected by everything he did and didn’t do. Everything he said and didn’t say.

The silence stretched between us. 

I sighed heavily. “Fine, then. Fuck you, Graham.” 

I turned and walked down the porch steps and into the yard. 

“Bambi!” he shouted, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.

I pushed farther into the woods, blinking furiously at the sting behind my eyes. The farther I walked, the thicker the trees became and the deeper my boots sank into the snow. 

“Idiot,” I muttered, my breath leaving me in white puffs. “So stupid.”

I trudged farther still, walking until the cottage had vanished completely, swallowed by thick pines.

For just a moment I wondered if I’d gone too far and considered turning back. But the thought of facing Graham again made my chest tighten and stomach turn. 

So, I kept walking. 

If only he’d just stayed away.

Chapter Six →

Are you enjoying the story so far? If so, I’d love for you to subscribe!

Get immediate access to every chapter, delivered right to your inbox, as soon as it’s posted!

And trust me… you won’t want to miss this next one!

G+B Chapter 4: Discovery

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

I woke to the scent of coffee, bacon, and eggs drifting through the bedroom.

I followed the aroma to the kitchen, where Graham stood over the stove, transferring strips of sizzling bacon from the pan onto two plates.

I stood there for a moment watching him. It felt like stepping into a childhood memory. Twelve-year-old Graham in the apartment kitchen, cooking whatever he could manage to scrounge up. Even then, he was always taking care of me.

I blinked and the memory dissolved.

“Morning,” he said from over his shoulder.

“Morning,” I replied.

I took a seat at the table and rubbed my tired eyes.

When I opened them again, a plate sat in front of me, piled high with eggs, bacon, and buttered toast.

I looked toward Graham who was back in the kitchen, pouring coffee into two mugs. He carried them both to the table, then went back to grab his own plate before sitting across from me.

I wrapped both hands around my mug, letting the heat sink into my palms.

Graham lifted his mug to his lips. “Sleep okay?” he asked before taking a sip.

He looked at me over the rim, the early morning sunlight catching in his eyes and making the green stand out even more. 

There was something about the way he was looking at me…

Oh god.

Had he heard me standing outside his bedroom door last night or was it my own guilty conscience reading more into his expression than was actually there?

I lifted my own mug and took a sip, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way heat crept into my cheeks. 

“Mmhmm,” I said. “You?”

“Fine,” he replied.

Before I could decipher the look in his eyes, a sharp buzz sounded from his back pocket.

He drew out his phone, his jaw tightening as he glanced down at the screen.

“Excuse me,” he said. He stood from the table and walked toward a room I hadn’t noticed before. The door swung closed behind him but didn’t shut completely.

Graham’s voice was low, but I caught a few clipped words.

“Yes. Transfer. I’ll be there.”

When he came back, there was an edge to his features that hadn’t been there before.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“I have something I need to take care of,” he said, heading for the door. He shrugged on his coat and reached for the doorknob. “I won’t be long.”

The door clicked shut behind him.

I stared at the closed door for far too long, a familiar knot forming in my stomach.

My breakfast sat untouched in front of me, my appetite gone. I tossed the food into the trash and carried our plates to the sink. As I washed the dishes, the knot in my stomach grew tighter, old feelings clawing their way inside.

He said he would be back, I told myself. This wasn’t the same as before. He wasn’t leaving.

I told myself this over and over, but still the tightness persisted. Maybe if I had something else to do, something to distract myself, I might feel better.

I wandered into the living room and carefully added a new log to the low fire the way I had seen Graham do it. Once the log caught, heat spread throughout the room.

I stepped away from the fireplace, and stood in the center of the living room, taking my first real look at it. The furniture was sleek, modern, all in warm brown tones and soft leather. I moved to the shelves on either side of the fireplace, scanning the books and movies that lined them. A thin layer of dust coated the tops as if they were merely there for the look of them.

The cottage should have felt lived in, yet it didn’t. There were no photographs. No personal clutter. Just furniture and books arranged like it was a showroom.

A strange heaviness settled in my chest.

The cottage reminded me of the apartment in a way—lifeless.

Graham had left on his own. Built a life for himself. Yet standing there, surrounded by untouched books and spotless furniture, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he was really living.

I turned to leave but my gaze caught on a partially open door to the right of the living room. I slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside.

It was his office. His scent was stronger here, as if he spent more time here than anywhere else.

The space was small, with minimal furniture, but cozy. A dark wood L-shaped desk sat in the center of the room with a high-back leather chair tucked in behind it.

I walked around the desk and huffed a quiet laugh at the sight.

“Organized chaos,” Graham would call it.

Stacks of folders sat in uneven heaps, their contents spilling from the sides. Loose papers and legal pads were scattered across the desk, and several books had been left open.

I sat down in the high back chair behind his desk and looked it over. My gaze dropped to the drawer, and before I could talk myself out of it, I opened it.

It was filled with dozens of manila folders. Company names were written in the upper right-hand corner of each one, all organized alphabetically.

I shut it and opened the one below. It was filled with more files from companies I didn’t recognize.

I closed it and moved to the other side, opening the first drawer. Unlike the others, this one wasn’t organized at all. There were various pads of yellow sticky notes with rough writing scribbled across them, and a handful of stray paperclips and thumbtacks scattered about.

Just as I went to shut it, I noticed the frayed edge of a faded blue notebook. I carefully pushed the papers and thumbtacks aside and froze.

A familiar tattered notebook stared back at me. My fingers trembled as I pulled it free.

Graham’s name was written across the center in careful block letters. Beneath it, in my own crooked eight-year-old handwriting, were the words: and Hazel.

A small smile tugged at my lips. I hadn’t gone by Hazel in years. Somewhere along the way, Graham had started calling me Bambi, and I’d been Bambi ever since.

I opened to the first page. Math problems lined the page, written in Graham’s handwriting. Taking up nearly all the space in the margins were a chaotic arrangement of tiny flowers, suns, and hearts. I flipped to the next page where Graham’s notes stopped abruptly halfway down. The rest was overtaken by a wild and uneven rainbow. The next few pages were the same. More math problems and notes interrupted by explosions of colorful doodles and drawings.

 On the next page, a crude drawing of a family sat askew in the center. The color had dulled and some of the lines were slightly faded, but I recognized the drawing instantly. It was my dad, Caroline, Graham, and me.

I flipped to the next page. Then the next. With each turn of the page, with each new drawing, both Graham’s and my own, my vision blurred more and more.

I pressed my thumbs harder into the paper as if that might steady me.

The floorboards creaked loudly from the kitchen.

“Bambi?” Graham’s voice echoed down the hall, and a second later, he appeared in the doorway.

His eyes flicked to the notebook, then back to me.

I closed the notebook and moved slowly around the desk. I held his gaze and walked towards him, clutching the notebook in my hands.

“You kept it,” I said, my voice shaking.

“Yeah.” His voice came out rougher than before.

I stepped closer until our chests were nearly touching. I tilted my head back, refusing to look away. “Why?”

His jaw worked for moment, before his lips parted slightly.

My heart beat hard, daring to hope that he might finally answer me, but I could see the hesitation in his eyes. It had never been this difficult to get him to talk to me.

I wasn’t sure what to say now and truthfully, I wasn’t sure my words would be enough, so I did the only other thing I could think of.

I lifted my hand slowly and pressed my palm against his chest. His breath caught, and I felt his heart stumble beneath my fingers.

Graham’s hand rose even slower. He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers barely grazing my skin. It was as if he was choosing the only place he could touch me without losing himself.

His gaze dipped low, then back to my face, so quickly I almost missed it. Then, just as quickly, his hand dropped away and the wall he’d been so close to letting fall, snapped firmly back in place.

I lowered my hand and took a step back. I knew I wasn’t going to get the answer I was hoping for.

“Everything go okay?” I asked softly.

“I met with a rehab coordinator,” he answered. “Caroline won’t be coming back anytime soon.”

“It won’t last,” I told him, recalling the last two times I’d tried to get her into a program. “It never does.” 

“She doesn’t have a choice this time.”

“And what about me?”

“I already told you, Bambi. You’re not going back there.”

He was quiet for a moment, then added. “I’m selling the apartment. There won’t be anything for you to go back to.”

My stomach dropped.

“Why do you get to be the one that decides that? That was my home too, Graham.”

“I’m deciding what I won’t let happen.”

“You didn’t decide that before.”

Graham’s jaw tightened. “No. Someone else decided for me.”

He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and started toward his room. After a few steps, he glanced back at me and nodded at the notebook.

“Keep it. It was always yours anyway.”

Then he disappeared down the hall.

I stood there a moment longer before finally shutting the office door and heading back to my room.

I climbed onto my bed and set the notebook down in my lap.

It should’ve been comforting to know that he’d kept it, but somehow, it only confused me more. I sighed and fell back against the pillows. 

He was the one who left. Without warning and without explanation. Yet for four years he’d held onto this notebook.

If he hadn’t cared… why keep it? If he had… why’d he leave?

My gaze drifted back to the notebook in my lap. I ran my fingers over the worn cover before opening it again.

I flipped through the rest of the pages, most of them blank, until dark scribbles made me pause. It was the last drawing in the notebook.

Drawn in dark, rough, almost angry strokes was the figure of a witch. It wasn’t like the witches from a fairytale or cartoon dressed in black with pointy hats. It was darker than that. There was something sinister in her eyes, and her smile, too wide, looked cruel. The witch looked almost happy in her cruelty.

My eyes stayed fixed on the page. The shape of her face, her eyes, the way the edges of her mouth twisted as she smiled, all disturbingly resembled Caroline.

I couldn’t unsee it, now. The similarities between the two.

Was this how Graham had seen her? And if so, maybe there was more to what happened than I realized.

For so long I had told myself that Graham had left without a single care. I’d believed it for years. But what if that wasn’t the truth?

What if I hadn’t been the only one hurting? What if I wasn’t the only one still hurting?

Chapter Five

G+B Chapter 3: Safe

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

Graham slid off his coat and hung it on the rack by the door, the sleeves of his dark shirt pulling taught around his forearms as he moved.

He moved easily, comfortably through the space, as he made his way toward the fireplace. He crouched in front of it, picked up a log from the low stack beside him, and added it to the fire. After brushing his hands against his jeans, he reached for the poker hanging on the wall.

“There’s a spare room at the back of the house,” he said. “It’s yours.”

I stared at his back, as he adjusted the logs. The wood crackled and popped, sending bright orange sparks swirling up the chimney.

“Mine?”

He looked at me from over his shoulder. “Yours.”

My brows knit together, my eyes narrowing slightly. I watched him a moment longer, unease twisting low in my stomach as I wondered what he wanted from me after all this time.

Four years had passed since he’d left, and not once had I heard a word from him. So why had he come back now?

The question sat on the tip of my tongue, the words barely held back before I realized getting an answer from him would be like trying to squeeze water from a rock—impossible.

I turned, leaving Graham tending to the fire, and went in search of the spare room. My room.

My steps slowed as I passed the open kitchen, my eyes catching on a bowl of red apples sitting in the center of the counter. My eyes shifted to the glass cabinets, each one neatly lined with food. I stilled, my stomach grumbling in response, and I pressed my palm against it.

“Something wrong?” Graham’s voice startled me back into reality. I hadn’t realized he had been watching me.

“Nope,” I answered quickly, moving away from the kitchen and down the short hall.

A door stood half open to the left. A small shaft of light from the living room stretched into the dark room. I peered inside, then quickly pulled back when I recognized the room as Graham’s.

I hurried down the hall, bypassing the bathroom to my right, and stopped at the room at the end. I nudged the door open, then felt along the wall for the light switch. Soft light filled the room instantly.

The spare room was nothing like the room I’d grown up in. It was at least twice as large. The walls were clean and painted a warm cream color and had no bare stucco in sight. Tall windows sat uncovered along the far wall. There were no boards nailed across them, no cardboard taped over them, no draft slipping through them.

I stepped up to the bed and ran my fingers along the solid wood bed frame, half expecting it to splinter under my touch. I skimmed my fingers across the duvet. The fabric was smooth and impossibly soft, nicer than anything I’d ever slept in.

I turned slowly, taking it all in.

Home.

It’s yours.

My throat tightened and I blinked hard against the tears burning behind my eyes.

It had been a long time since I’d had anything that wasn’t broken, worn down, or falling apart.

“You’ll need this,” Graham said.

I jumped and whirled around to face him. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a folded shirt in his hand.

“Stop doing that,” I muttered, taking the shirt from him.

He was quiet for a moment, his gaze studying me in a way that made heat creep up my neck. It felt like Graham could see far more than I wanted him to.

“There’s no need for you to be so jumpy anymore, Bambi,” he finally said.

He said it as if it were that easy, like it was some simple choice. But it wasn’t. He hadn’t been around to see how quickly Caroline had deteriorated. He didn’t know what it was like to spend every day wondering which version of her I’d wake up to or how I’d had to learn to navigate her constant mood swings.

He pushed off the frame, his eyes still fixed on mine, and took two steps toward me. The space between us narrowed to almost nothing.

I held my breath, wanting nothing more than to back away and stay exactly where I was.

“You’re safe here,” he said as if he knew where my thoughts had gone.

Before I could say a word, he turned and walked away.

“Dinner in fifteen,” he called from the hallway.

My legs trembled beneath me as I crossed the room and eased myself down onto the edge of the bed.

I slowly unfolded the shirt and the scent—smoke and vanilla—hit me immediately. My body’s reaction was instant. Visceral. Goosebumps rippled along my arms and a warmth unfurled low in my stomach.

I froze, my fingers curling tightly around the shirt. It was just fabric, I told myself. Just cotton. Nothing more.

My body disagreed.

Embarrassment heated my cheeks. I swore under my breath and tossed the shirt aside as if that would undo my reaction.

I left the room without looking back.

When I entered the kitchen, the table was already set. Two white bowls sat across from each other, the spoons placed neatly beside them.

“Sit,” Graham said without looking up from the stove.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek and sat.

He placed a large pot of creamy potato soup in the center of the table. Then he took my bowl and ladled a generous portion into it before sliding it back in front of me again.

I stared at my bowl. I hadn’t had a meal like this in weeks.

“Eat.”

I opened my mouth to argue, to tell him he couldn’t keep ordering me around, but my stomach growled before I could say anything.

“Bambi,” he chided, nudging the bowl closer.

He pulled out the chair across from me, the legs scraping against wood, and sat.

I picked up my spoon, keeping my eyes fixed on my bowl as I took my first bite.

My mouth watered as the savory flavor bloomed across my tongue. It was tastier than I expected, better than I remembered.

I took another bite. Then another.

Just as I was bringing another spoonful to my mouth, I felt it.

My eyes slowly lifted to Graham, finding that his attention was already on me.

I lowered my spoon to my bowl. I hadn’t meant to eat that fast.

“You’re hungry,” he said, nodding once at my bowl. “Eat.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I’ve probably had too much anyway.”

Graham looked entirely unconvinced.

Only when I picked up my spoon again and took another bite, did he look away and take his own.

Throughout the rest of dinner, the only sounds were the clinking of our spoons against ceramic, the soft crackling of fire behind us, and our breathing.

Before long, the quiet began to press in. It was different than the stagnant silence of the apartment. This silence was loaded with things unsaid. And I couldn’t stand it.

I set my spoon down harder than necessary.

“Why did you come back, Graham? Where is Caroline?”

His hand stilled halfway to his mouth before lowering again.

Slowly, he finished chewing and set his spoon aside. When he looked up at me, his expression was unreadable.

“I told you,” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “She’s gone.”

My fingers curled around the edge of the table. “Gone how, Graham?”

“Hospital. It was an overdose.”

My heart knocked hard against my ribs. “Well, is she okay?”

“She’s alive,” he said before sliding back from the table and collecting our bowls.

My relief was short-lived, quickly overshadowed by anger. “Why couldn’t you just tell me? Why all this… this… cryptic bullshit?” I waved my hand in the air. “It’s not like this hasn’t happened before, Graham. She would have been home in a few days.”

The dishes clattered in the sink. “Exactly,” he said more sharply, frustration slipping into his tone. “But you won’t be.”

I stood abruptly, the chair tipping on its hind legs. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He braced his hands against the edge of counter, his knuckles turning white. “You aren’t going back.”

“You don’t get to decide that.”

Graham straightened, turning fully toward me. “This isn’t a discussion, Bambi. I do. And I did.”

He closed the distance between us, each step slow and deliberate. He crowded into me, so close I could feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest.

I tilted my head back, meeting his gaze. His eyes blazed like an emerald fire.

“You aren’t going back to that shitty apartment or her, ever again. My word is final.”

“You don’t own me,” I said forcing as much defiance into my voice as I could.

“No,” he said. “But I won’t let you waste away there either.”

“That didn’t stop you before.”

His hands clenched at his sides. He held my gaze for one more second, then stepped around me.

“Get some rest, Bambi.”

I turned on my heel and stomped to the spare room, slamming the door behind me.

I paced circles around the room, my attention snagging again and again on Graham’s shirt crumpled on the bed.

Despite all my efforts, my gaze snagged on the shirt one final time. I shouldn’t want it, but I was already moving toward it, the choice made. I pulled it on, then before I could think too hard about it, climbed into bed and dragged the covers up to my chin.

I stared at the ceiling fan as it spun in slow, steady circles, willing sleep to come. The house was still. The air warm. The bed soft. Everything I hadn’t had in months and should have savored.

Sleep should have come easier. But every breath carried Graham’s scent, stirring feelings I should forget but couldn’t let go of. His scent enveloped me and heat settled low, deeper than it had any right to go.

I groaned and turned on my side. I lasted five minutes. Maybe ten. Then I threw the covers back.

I told myself to stay, but my body wouldn’t listen. It carried me down the hall, the hardwood cool beneath my feet.

I stopped in front of Graham’s bedroom door.

My hands curled at my sides, my mind telling me to turn back. I ignored it and lifted my hand to the knob anyway. My hand closed around the cool metal, turning it halfway before I froze.

I shouldn’t be standing here. Worse, I shouldn’t want to. I shouldn’t want comfort from the man who left me. Who decided for me.

And still, I was here.

Floorboards creaked behind the door. As if he’d been standing there too.

I dropped my hand and retreated back to my room.

Chapter Four →

Thank you…

/ feralbookster / Leave a comment

When I started Monroe + Aiden, I wasn’t sure where it would take me, only that I wanted to tell their story.

Finishing it feels a little surreal.

To those who followed along, read each chapter, or even stopped by for a moment, thank you. Truly.

This story means more to me than I can quite put into words.

And while Monroe + Aiden’s journey has come to an end… this is only the beginning here. 🤎

Love, The Feral Bookster

What’s Coming…

My writer brain isn’t finished just yet… there are other stories waiting to be told.

Stick around to watch Graham + Bambi’s story unfold.

Not yet subscribed?

Stay awhile! You won’t want to miss what’s next!

M+A Chapter 18

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

 He did not move. Not toward me. Not away.

And so I crossed the distance. One step. Then another until there was no space left between us.

Slowly, he lifted his hand to my cheek, fingers barely grazing my skin. His breath left him in a shaky exhale, as though he only just allowed himself to believe I was real.

His thumb trembled as he traced the curve of my lips.

“Monroe…” my name stumbled from his lips. “You shouldn’t have come.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment I saw it—the war inside him. Duty. Loyalty. Want.

“I couldn’t stay away,” I told him.

“Alexander is a great man,” he said hoarsely. “He can provide for you everything that I cannot.”

I covered his hand still resting gently on my cheek with my own. “All I want, Aiden… is you.”

His breath caught.

His eyes searched mine as if trying to find something he did not dare believe.  

For weeks I had tried to fulfill my duty as Princess, as future queen, but I knew that life was no longer mine.

My heart had long since made its choice, and I could not deny it what longed for.

Him. Aiden.

I let him see it.

His hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, not pulling me closer, just holding me there. Like I was his anchor as much as he was mine.

He pressed his forehead to mine. “My heart is yours, Monroe. Always.”

My fingers fisted in his tunic.

“And mine has only ever been yours.”

I rose onto my toes.

Aiden stilled.

For one suspended heartbeat, the world held its breath with us.

Then I kissed him.

It was not tentative. It was not careful. It was every stolen glance, every restrained touch, every word left unsaid set free all at once.

Whatever restraint he had left shattered.

Aiden’s mouth claimed mine. His hand tightened at the back of my neck as the other slid to my waist. He pulled me flush against him, and my hands threaded into his hair.

He nipped at my lower lip, drawing a soft sound from me, and a low approving grumble reverberated in his chest.

Aiden’s hands moved over my back, my shoulders, my arms, as if he were mapping out my body to commit the feel, the shape of me, to memory.

I clung to him, my fingertips digging into his biceps, only breaking away long enough to steal a breath.

Beneath the starlit sky, it was only Aiden and me—hands twisting in hair, fingers clutching fabric, breathless ravenous kisses.

Aiden broke our kiss with a groan, as if stopping was agony.

Our uneven breaths mingled in the space between us.

“Monroe,” he murmured, sending goosebumps across my skin.

He rested his head atop mine, his fingers still pressing into my skin.

“I can’t lose you,” he said, the words rough and uneven.

I looked up at him, my hand cupping his cheek. “You won’t. I choose you, Aiden.”

His lips curved before he leaned in and brushed a soft, delicate kiss to my mouth.

He took my hands and held them between us. “I have to tell Alexander,” he said, his voice steadying.

“We will tell him,” I said. “Together.”

Aiden and I paused at the edge of the forest path, looking up at the dark silhouette of Castle Bedford rising in the distance.

He squeezed my hand once before releasing it, and together we stepped onto the stone path.

We walked side by side, close enough that the heat of him brushed my skin, yet careful not to touch.

The night air was cool, but I barely felt it. Every nerve in my body thrummed, alive with the knowledge that everything was about to change.

We passed guards, their gazes following Aiden and me, but none made a move to stop us. No one suspected the fracture we were about to carve into the foundations of Bedford.

Aiden halted just before a long corridor, his fingers closing gently around my wrist. “Are you certain?” he asked quietly. “If he strips me of everything—”

I held his gaze, letting him see the unwavering truth in mine. “Then we shall have nothing. Together.”

He held my gaze a moment longer. Then he nodded once, slow and decisive, and he laced his fingers through mine.

At the end of the corridor, the parlor doors stood slightly ajar, a shaft of firelight spilling across the stone floor.

We shared one final look, a silent confirmation.

Aiden brought his hand up to the door, but before his knuckles even grazed the wood, Alexander’s voice drifted from within.

“Enter.”

Aiden pushed the door open.

A fire crackled softly in the hearth, casting warm light across the parlor. Prince Alexander sat in a high-backed chair, one ankle crossed over his knee, a glass untouched at his side.

Firelight traced the sharp line of his profile as his gaze lifted slowly from the flames, settling first on our joined hands.

“I wondered when this moment would come,” he said.

His attention returned to the hearth, the quiet snap of burning logs stretching between us.

“I admit,” he continued evenly, “I had hoped you would choose me.”

He rose then, unhurried, setting the glass aside without looking at it.

When his gaze met mine fully, there was no accusation there, only clarity.

“But I see now, you would only have resented me.”

Something in my chest tightened. Not with fear, but with understanding. For the first time, I saw him not as a prince, not as an obligation, but simply as a man who had misjudged love… and knew it.

“I tried,” I said softly.

“The fault is mine, Your Majesty,” Aiden said.

Alexander lifted a hand, not sharply, not in reprimand, but in quiet refusal. “No,” he said. “No, the truth is no one’s fault.”

His gaze moved between us, not as a ruler assessing subjects, but as someone finally seeing what had always been there. “You love each other.”

We did not deny it.

A faint curve touched his mouth. It was not quite a smile, but something like acceptance.

“You are released from this arrangement,” he said, his attention returning to me. “I will dissolve the engagement. The rest, I will manage.”

Silence settled in the parlor again, only broken up by the soft crackle of the fire.

Then, softer, Alexander said, “Go.”

I released Aiden’s hand and stepped forward. “Thank you,” I said.

Behind me, Aiden bowed. “Your Majesty.”

Alexander inclined his head once, then turned away, his hands clasping behind his back.

Aiden and I left the parlor, hand in hand, moving silently through the corridor.

Perhaps we did not trust the moment to hold. Or perhaps we could not yet believe we had walked away without consequence.

When the carriage waiting in the drive came into view, something inside me began to ease.

There were no gloved attendants, no line of guards standing at attention as there had been the day I arrived. No banners. No procession.

There was only Aiden and me in the hush of dawn, stepping into something entirely our own.

I did not allow myself to look back at first. But as the carriage wheels began their steady rhythm over stone, carrying us through the outer gates, I could not help myself.

I turned.

High above, framed by stone and morning light, Prince Alexander stood at the balcony.

He did not wave. He did not call out. He simply watched.

Our eyes met across the distance. He inclined his head. Not as a prince to a subject. Not as a man to a possession. But as an equal.

The gates closed, and Bedford receded behind us.

Aiden took my hand in his, and brought it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to my knuckles.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

I did not know where the road ahead would take us, but as Aiden’s thumb traced slow, lazy circles over my hand, I knew one thing with absolute certainty—wherever it led, we would meet it together.

***

Pinpricks of sunlight filtered through the broad canopy overhead, dappling the meadow below.

I wandered along the bank where wildflowers grew in abundance, their petals brushing my ankles.

Aiden was stretched out comfortably on the blanket, boots discarded, one arm propped behind his head. He watched me with an expression so open, so unguarded, it made my chest tighten. As though I were not merely his wife, but a miracle he still could not quite believe was his.

I returned to the blanket and settled beside him. He gathered me close, his strong arms wrapping around me without hesitation, as though some part of him still feared I might vanish if he did not hold me there.

His fingers curled beneath my chin, tilting my head back until our gazes met. “Are you happy?” he asked.

“Better than happy,” I said, smiling. “With you, I am whole.”

“Always so poetic, Princess.”

I smiled wider, brushing my fingers over his jaw. “I am no princess.”

“You are whatever you chose to be, and you have always been more than a crown.”

He kissed me slowly, reverently, like he had all the time in the world.

“I love you, Monroe.”

“I love you, Aiden.”

He kissed me again, then tucked me close against him and held me there.

I gazed across the meadow at our cottage tucked amongst the trees. The light struck it just so, and I thought of the painting in Bedford’s gallery.

I had once believed it beautiful in theory. I had not known it could be lived.

Here, there were no nooses disguised as duty. No crowns masquerading as destiny. Only the steady rush of water, wildflowers at my feet, and the man who had chosen me as fiercely as I had chosen him.

 

The End

M+A Chapter 17

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

A few days later, Alexander and I met in the courtyard to review the decorations for the final time.

It was alive with activity. Servants strategically wrapped vibrant floral garland around banisters and balconies, their bright colors standing out starkly against the gray stone. Others had arranged additional blooms along the walkways and adjusted their petals and ribbons with meticulous care. The lush green lawn was perfectly trimmed, statues were meticulously polished, and the fountains were cleaned and sparkled in the sunlight.

Every detail was arranged to Alexander’s exacting standards.

“Marvelous, isn’t it?” he asked, his gaze sweeping over the courtyard. “It promises to be the event of the season.”

“Indeed,” I replied, smiling faintly.

My attention drifted across the courtyard, over the servants and the gardeners, and fluttering ribbons until it reached the guards stationed along the perimeter. Out of habit, I searched for the familiar build I could recognize without hesitation.

But he was not there.

Before I could dwell on the tightness in my chest, Alexander took my arm and steered us away.

As we continued across the grounds, we were stopped by nobles, offering compliments and extending congratulations.

I smiled warmly, inclined my head at the proper moments, and accepted their well-wishes, my voice carrying calm assurance.

No one would have guessed the effort it required to hold myself together.

We rounded the garden and a quiet awareness pressed at the back of my thoughts. It was the unmistakable sensation of being watched.

I turned, my gaze sweeping past garlands and polished stone, over the rigid line of guards. At the far edge of the courtyard, a figure stood concealed in shadow beneath an archway. Though I could not make out his face, something in me wanted to believe it was him.

 I wondered if he would notice the tightness in my shoulders. The way my smile held a second too long. The absence of light where it should have been.

A servant passed between us, carrying a cascade of ivory roses.

When I looked again, the shadow beneath the archway was empty.

I exhaled slowly.

Foolish Monroe.

“Princess.” Alexander’s voice cut gently through my thoughts. “Are you with me?”

My smile widened. “Of course,” I replied. “Just admiring the decorations.”

He inclined his head toward a waiting cluster of nobles, his hand settling at the small of my back. “We mustn’t keep them.”

By the time we left the nobles and Sir William had arrived to escort me back to my chambers, every part of me ached. My cheeks throbbed from holding my smile in place. My spine had been kept so straight for so many hours it felt as though it might splinter if I allowed it to bend. Each breath pressed against the rigid boning of my corset, my ribs protesting beneath the silk and laces. Even my slippers felt heavier than they should, dragging against the stone as though I were wading through water.

“Thank you, Sir William,” I said once we’d reached my chambers.

“Good day, Your Highness.” He bowed and withdrew, retreating down the hall to his post.

The door eased shut behind him and I sagged against it, the strength draining from my limbs now that no one was there to witness it.

I had only taken a few steps into the sitting room when I stopped short.

A leather-bound book sat at the center of the low table.

I hadn’t seen that book in days. Not since I had left it behind in the solarium.

I took a few tentative steps forward, a quiet unease stirring in my chest as I tried to understand how it had found its way here after all this time.

A sliver of pale blue peeked out from between the pages.

My heart thundered against my ribs, my fingers trembling as I opened it.

A forget-me-not lay pressed inside.

All at once, my breath left me, and tears slipped free before I could stop them.

These have always been my favorite.

A wise choice.

The walls of the sitting room melted away.

I was standing in the garden again with sunlight on my skin, the scent of lilac and honeysuckle carried on a gentle breeze.

I was with him. With Aiden.

The forget-me-not trembled in my grasp, pressed against my chest as something new threaded through my limbs.

Not longing. Not ache.

Resolve.

I could not continue this way. I could not pretend any longer

I would not.

I was already moving before my mind caught up with what I was doing.

“Monroe?” Alice called after me, but her voice barely reached me.

The door shut behind me, and she became nothing more than a fading echo.

My feet urged me to run. To gather my skirts and fly down the corridor like a reckless girl in a storybook romance.

I did not.

Anyone who passed would see only a princess making her way through the castle halls. They would not see the way my pulse thundered. The way each step felt like stepping off the edge of something I could never return from.

I walked.

And I did not stop.

Behind me, Castle Bedford dissolved into shadow, its towering spires swallowed by the night as the forest path unfurled before me.

Only once the trees closed in around me did I let urgency carry me forward.

Near the end of the path, amber light flickered against the trees.

My pulse quickened, each breath drawing in shorter than the last.

I stepped into the clearing. It was empty.

A small fire burned at its center, the embers glowing low as though it had been left untended for some time.

My breath faltered.

He had been here. I had waited too long. I had lost him.

My fingers curled tightly around the forget-me-not, my heart splintering beneath the weight of his absence.

Then… a soft rustle of branches. The deliberate crunch of leaves underfoot.

I turned slowly, my pulse roaring in my ears. Every nerve in my body trembled with hope.

Aiden stood at the edge of the clearing, half-shadow, half-firelight, and utterly still.

“Monroe.”

Chapter Eighteen

M+A Chapter 15

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

Rain pattered against the glass windows of the solarium, its steady rhythm a soothing backdrop to the quiet I had been craving all morning.

I had tucked myself into one of the cushioned window seats, an unopened book resting in my lap. My fingers traced idly over the lettering on its cover as I gazed out at the rain.

I drew in a deep breath and then peeled back the book’s cover, ready to lose myself in the story unfolding inside its pages.

My fingers had just brushed the edge of the first page when I heard the quiet swish of the solarium door opening.

I looked up, already knowing who it was by the familiar cadence of his footsteps.

“Good morning, Sir Aiden,” I said.

“Your Highness,” Aiden replied, inclining his head.

My brows drew together faintly at the formality.

I was beginning to despise that title.

Aiden’s expression tightened for the briefest moment before he gestured to the book in my lap. “What are you reading today?”

“Something you’d find dreadfully boring, most likely,” I said lightly, a smile tugging at my lips.

I turned the book toward him, revealing the cover.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, before he seemed to remember himself, and it faded entirely.

I studied him a moment longer. The tension in him was unmistakable—shoulders too tight, spine too straight, jaw set too hard. He looked almost statuesque. More like carved stone than the man I knew.

I sat a little straighter.

“Aiden,” I said quietly. “What is it?”

His chin lifted as he clasped his hands behind his back.

“The Prince has requested our presence.”

“Our?” Dread coiled tight in my stomach. “May I ask why?”

“I do not know. The Prince has not shared his reasons with me.”

My throat tightened as I swallowed. “Alright, then.”

I set my book aside without another thought and rose to my feet.

We walked side by side through the silent corridors. We did not spare each other a glance. We did not speak. The only sound was the rain lashing the castle walls, muted by the thick stone, and the hollow resonance of our footsteps.

A heaviness hung in the air, thick as the rain clouds outside.

And none but Aiden and I would know it.

My posture mirrored his—the image of perfect discipline. Our steps were precise, controlled. Our expressions neutral, unremarkable. The distance between us was painfully appropriate. We were everything a princess and a knight should be.

And yet the act, once second nature, felt profoundly wrong—like wearing a skin that no longer belonged to me.

The air turned colder. The corridors narrowed, dimmed. More Bedford guards stood along the way. Though we were only in a different part of the castle, there was nothing warm or familiar about it.

And when the tall, dark wood doors to Alexander’s study came into view, I felt the full weight of how easily everything could unravel.

Lightning struck, illuminating the stone walls for an instant.

Aiden reached for the latch.

 I could no longer bear it.

So quietly I wasn’t even sure I had spoken at all, I said, “Wait.”

His hand froze, suspended an inch above the brass latch. With the subtlest turn of his head, his gaze shifted down the corridor behind us, then back to me. For just a blink, his mask cracked.

“We must,” he said.

And then he opened the door.

The scent of parchment and leather, struck me immediately, followed by old ink and something faintly metallic beneath it.

Alexander was seated at his desk, quill in hand, scrawling something across a document.

“Sir Aiden. Princess Monroe,” he said without looking up

He completed the line he was writing as though unwilling to leave a thought unfinished, then set the quill aside and lifted his gaze.

“Thank you both for coming. I won’t take up much of your time.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Aiden said, bowing.

“Please,” Alexander said, gesturing to the two chairs positioned before his desk.

I smiled politely and nodded, moving to the chair closest to him.

Aiden remained where he stood.

Alexander’s gaze flicked briefly to Aiden, then back to me.

“How are you settling into Bedford, Princess?”

“Well, Your Majesty.”

“The transition has been… smooth for you, I hope.” His gaze lingered. “You appear more comfortable lately.”

“Though it has taken some time,” I said carefully, “I am beginning to understand Bedford’s rhythms.”

“That’s wonderful,” he said. “It matters to me that Bedford feels like home to you, especially as you step fully into your role.”

He leaned back slightly in his chair, fingers steepled. “You and I will soon be shaping this kingdom together, Princess Monroe.”

He paused then, his gaze holding mine—steady, assessing.

“It is important that you are prepared for what that asks of you in the coming weeks.”

Another beat of silence.

“Your presence. Your attention. Your focus.”

The knot in my stomach tightened.

“Of course, Your Majesty. I understand what is expected of me.”

“Good.” Alexander smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes.

“In light of the upcoming engagement celebration,” he continued, “certain adjustments must be made.”

“Adjustments, Your Majesty?”

“Yes. Which is why I’ve asked you both here. With your position soon changing, Princess, and with the increased visibility that comes with it, your safety is of the utmost importance.”

Alexander turned to Aiden.

“Sir Aiden,” he said. “You will be relieved from your escort duties effective immediately.”

Blood rushed to my ears, the rest of Alexander’s words coming through muffled as though I were hearing him from underwater.

 “Your skill set will be of greater use at my side. Sir William will assume your post henceforth.”

Every instinct in me urged me to look toward Aiden, to see if he felt the blow of Alexander’s decision as sharply as I did.

I did not. Could not.

Alexander’s gaze lingered on me, his eyes watching. Assessing.

Training took over. I forced my fingers to uncurl from my skirts and folded my hands neatly in my lap.

Aiden inclined his head. “Of course, Your Majesty. Sir William is a wise choice. He will serve you and Her Highness well.”

My chest cracked open, his acceptance striking harder than Alexander’s decree.

My mind screamed at him. Refuse him. Fight this. Fight for me.

Yet I knew he could not.

For the same reasons I sat silent and obedient.

Duty. Honor. Loyalty.

They demanded these thoughts be silenced.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door.

“Ah. That will be Sir William now,” Alexander said. “Enter.”

The door opened and Sir William stepped inside.

It felt as though I was watching everything unfold in slow motion.

Aiden nodded once to Sir William, then stepped aside and moved to Alexander’s side, his hands clasped behind his back.

He did not spare me a glance. His gaze remained fixed somewhere beyond me.

“The next matter,” Alexander said, reaching for a stack of documents on his desk, “is the matter of our engagement preparations.”

He laid the papers before me. Among them were invitations, seating charts, and schedules.

I smiled, and despite the tightening of my throat, kept my voice even. “Of course. I’m happy to go over anything you like.”

Alexander slid a piece of parchment toward me—the schedule for the coming days, already outlined precisely. “I’d like us to be seen together more often,” he said, “especially now that we’re so close to the day. It’s important that people see we are aligned.”

My eyes skimmed the paper, noting how full it was. Public appearances, luncheons, dinners, outings. It left little room to breathe.

“Everything looks satisfactory,” I said.

“I’m glad you think so.”

Alexander continued speaking, reviewing seating arrangements and plans, offering details I should have been absorbing, but his words dulled, blending into a low, indistinct murmur.

I followed along as though my world hadn’t just tilted, even as my mind fled the room.

I barely remembered Alexander concluding the meeting. Barely remembered Sir William leading me from the study.

All I could focus on were the stark gray walls of the corridor.  

Behind me, footsteps followed—heavier, their rhythm out of step with mine. They were… wrong.

I do not remember the walk back to my chambers. Only that somehow I arrived and found myself standing in the center of the room, unsure what to do with myself.

I was empty in a way I had never felt before.

Hollow.

Chapter Sixteen

M+A Chapter 12

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

I stood rooted to my spot on the balcony, staring at the door Aiden had left through, my pulse still hammering a relentless rhythm.

I softly traced the curve of my bottom lip, my mouth curving into a small smile.

He kissed me.

An incredulous laugh bubbled out of me and echoed across the stone. The sound startled even me. I quickly pressed a hand over my mouth, quieting myself.

I wavered on my feet, suddenly unsteady. My knees felt weak as I stumbled to the curved stone bench beside the balcony railing and sank onto it.

Aiden’s face flashed through my mind—the hint of desire in his eyes—and then his voice followed, low and husky, sending a shiver racing down my spine.

I could still feel him, as though his touches had branded themselves into my skin—the imprint of his fingers on my wrist, the warmth of his palms on my cheeks, the firm press of his lips against mine.

Aiden had kissed me.

I closed my eyes, clinging to the feeling while it still lingered.

Cool midnight air brushed against my skin. Slowly, the warmth of the moment began to fade, and the quiet of the balcony settled around me.

I rose from the bench, drawing my robe tighter around me before slipping quietly from the balcony and back toward my chambers.

The corridors felt darker now, the air thicker around me.

The walk felt endless, each step heavier than the one before.

Candlelight glimmered along the golden threads of a great tapestry.

My steps faltered.

The Bedford crest loomed before me. It sat at the heart of a golden crown, framed by glittering jewels.

A symbol of duty.

A symbol of honor.

Alexander.

A cold unease seeped into my bones.

I turned away and hurried back to my chambers.

My trembling fingers fumbled with the latch. When it finally gave way, I stumbled inside.

I slammed the door harder than necessary. The wood reverberated like my pounding heart.

I turned the lock and backed away from the door, as if it could keep the inevitable at bay.

Only it didn’t.

Guilt settled heavy in my stomach, sinking like a stone.

Foolish, Monroe.

But the familiar words rang hollow, offering no comfort. No matter how many times I repeated them, the guilt refused to ease.

I was betrothed to another man, our wedding barely a month away. It was not simply a union between two people, but a promise between two nations—one meant to secure the future of my kingdom.

These feelings I harbored were not only a betrayal of my own kingdom, but of Alexander as well.

I had not stopped Aiden.

Worse still, I had wanted it.

I dropped onto the edge of my bed and drew in deep, steadying breaths willing my mind and body to calm.

When my body finally began to loosen, I slipped under the covers and waited for sleep to come.

But every time I closed my eyes, Aiden appeared unbidden in my mind, followed by phantom impressions of him—his breath, his hands, the heat of him.

“Oh, God, Monroe.” I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the high-vaulted ceiling, trying again to focus on my breathing.

That did not work either.

All I could think about was how irrevocably things had changed.

Aiden had kissed me. Not by accident. Not by impulse alone. He chose it.

And I had chosen him in return, surrendering myself to the moment.

This was not a passing spark—it was something deeper.

I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to follow that thought any further.

But when sleep finally came, it carried the memory of Aiden with it.

Chapter Thirteen

M+A Chapter 11

/ feralbookster / 1 Comment

I retired to my sitting room for the evening and settled into the chair before the fireplace.

Alice returned a few moments later with a steaming cup of tea, handed it to me, and then tended the fire.

“Did you enjoy yourself today?” she asked. “I have yet to see Bedford Park, but I hear it’s wonderful.”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s lovely. You would like it very much.”

Alice smiled. “Well, I shall leave you to your evening. Good night, Monroe.”

“Goodnight, Alice.”

She gathered the tray and slipped quietly from the room.

The soft crackle of the fire filled the silence, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

I thought of the lawn trimmed to perfection. The gravel walkways raked smooth. Not a bloom out of place.

Alexander suited it. He was immaculate, composed. Every thread in order. He maintained himself as carefully as he maintained the park and his kingdom.

And yet my thoughts drifted. To moss-covered rocks. To wildflowers shifting in the breeze. To a quiet stream cutting through untouched earth. To Aiden standing there, unguarded.

A familiar warmth bloomed behind my ribs.

I caught myself imagining a life beyond duty and structure and composure. A life unmapped by others. And I was struck by how fiercely some hidden part of me wanted it.

I shook my head and set my teacup aside.

I was not meant to want such things. That was not the life I had been shaped for.

Duty first, I reminded myself.

I tried to rebuild the walls of expectation around me, but no matter how hard I tried, they felt too thin.

The room closed in. The air grew heavy in my lungs.

I needed air.

I pulled my robe from the back of the chair and shrugged it on.

I quietly turned the latch and stepped into the darkened hallway, the door whispering shut behind me.

The stone was cool against my bare feet as I moved silently down the corridors. Silver moonlight spilled through the narrow windows, lighting my way.

My footsteps barely echoed as I turned the first corner heading toward the balcony I knew lay ahead.

The double doors appeared just as a sound echoed behind me. My steps quickened instinctively.

I risked a glance behind me, catching the orange flicker of candlelight dancing along the wall just beyond the corner I’d come from.

Just as I turned back around, I collided with a solid wall of muscle.

I gasped and staggered backwards, but two strong hands caught my waist, steadying me.

“Princess?”

My eyes snapped upward, meeting bright green irises.

“Aiden?” I breathed.

Before I could fully register that Aiden’s hands were on my waist—and that my own fingers were clutching the strong lines of his arms—a sharp voice rang through the corridor.

Aiden’s head turned instantly toward the voice, his posture going rigid, his gaze sharpening.

Keeping one hand secured around my waist, he used the other to swing open the balcony door and drew me inside with him.

He quickly shut the door behind us and braced his back against the wall, holding me securely against his chest.

“Aiden…”

“Not yet, Princess,” he whispered. “Wait till they pass.”

I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip. Aiden’s gaze dipped there for just a second before snapping back to the door.

The orange candlelight grew brighter.

The footsteps grew louder.

They halted just outside the door.

Aiden’s grip tightened on my waist, his fingers bunching the fabric of my robe. My fingers dug into his skin in return.

For endless seconds we clung to one another, breaths held, eyes fixed on the door and the shadow behind them.

The latch jiggled the slightest fraction. I squeezed my eyes shut and hid my face in Aiden’s chest.

A muffled voice rose outside the door.

The footsteps retreated.

Aiden’s body relaxed against mine, his breath warm against the side of my cheek as he slowly exhaled.

I lifted my head and found Aiden’s gaze already on me.

My breath caught in my throat. 

Moonlight brushed across his skin, tracing the strong line of his jaw and the curve of his lips.

A cool breeze stirred the night air, but I barely felt it. Our bodies were pressed flush together, the heat of him seeping through the thin barrier of fabric and settling low in my core.

Each nerve in my body felt like a live wire, sparking at each point we touched.

He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My skin tingled where his palm brushed my cheek.

His hand did not fall away. His palm remained at my cheek, cradling my face as though he could not bear to let me go.

And I did not want him to.

His gaze dipped to my lips once more, lingering there, before slowly returning to my eyes.

Our gazes held. 

His head dropped a fraction lower. His nose brushed mine, his breath ghosting across my mouth.

His mouth hovered above mine, so close I could almost feel the warmth of his lips.

My eyes fluttered shut, fingers curling into the fabric of his tunic.

I rose onto my toes, my chin tipping upward.

Aiden’s fingers pressed deeper into my waist.

Then, his forehead dropped to mine. 

“We can’t.” His voice was rough, as if the words themselves pained him. 

“I know,” I whispered, my own voice cracking.

Aiden’s jaw tightened. His grip loosened—reluctantly, almost painfully so—before his hands slid away from me.

I took a single step back, creating space that felt far too wide, far too cold. The loss of his warmth was jarring.

My arms fell back to my sides, fingers clutching my robe to keep them from trembling.

His gaze lingered on me—conflicted, aching with everything left unsaid—before he finally forced his eyes away.

He pushed off the wall, hands balled into fists, knuckles white.

“I should…” he started, then cut himself off. His voice was more strained than before. He cleared his throat. “We shouldn’t be here.”

I forced myself to nod, even though every part of me wanted to close the distance again. Wanted to pretend the world outside that door didn’t exist.

But it did.

I searched for the familiar steadiness, the polished calm I had been taught to wear like armor, but it was gone. I looked away and started for the door.

My fingers had just grazed the latch when movement flickered at the edges of my vision.

Aiden caught my wrist.

“Monroe…” his voice low and strained caught on my name.

I turned just enough to see the conflict on his face—the tight line of his jaw and the flare of his nostrils.

He drew in a sharp breath.

His fingers flexed instinctively against my skin, but he did not let go.

My pulse hammered beneath his fingertips.

“Don’t.”

His fingers tightened.

Then I was moving—pulled toward him.

His hands rose and cupped my face.

His mouth claimed mine.

For a single, breathless moment my mind went blank.

My lips softened beneath his. But before my body could fully follow, he broke the kiss.

My body swayed, dizzy.

My eyes fluttered open.

His breath came ragged in the narrow space between us.

“Aiden,” I breathed.

Realization flickered across his face.

His hands pulled away.

By the time the haze lifted, Aiden was at the door.

His hand closed around the latch. He paused and looked back at me.

Then the door opened, and he was gone.

Chapter Twelve